Dishoomy-shoom!

Dabangg, 2010
Directed by: Abhinav Kashyap

I am very sad to be saying "goodbye" to The Neetu Singh-Along, but alas, the time has come. If you want to relive any of the Neetu goodness, just click on the little picture icon and Ta-Da! you'll have them! Also, I'll never be done watching and loving my Neetu, so there will be more to come. Pinch-throat-promise.

Now, I need to take a moment, and talk about Dabangg.
Da-bang-uh.

The oil slick fight?

Yeah, totally left me breathless.

At first I was really flippant about whether or not I wanted to see this film. Salman, despite being my first Indian Film Crush, isn't a huge "get me to the theaters" factor. And it seemed kind of... manish. I'm the first to embrace James Bond, Jason Bourne, Rambo, Rocky, The Godfather...etc* but there was something about Dabangg that didn't entice me. Maybe it was the rainbow font, or the fact that I worried that I would be left in the dust AGAIN by my lack of understanding in the Desi Humor Department.

Whatever it was I waited and waited and waited to see this film. I tried to go on the release date, but I felt sick, so I didn't. Finally after an awful day of work with harassing coworkers I walked into the theatre after work and checked my brain at the door.

"Give it to me!" I shouted at the world and the screen. Double entendres intact and much felt, I might add.

Or I didn't have to add.

But I did.

Anyway this is basically what I looked like for the entire film. And beware, there are like 50 different emotions I'm trying to express, ranging from happiness, shock, awe, surprise, enjoyment, disbelief, "ugh, macho", glitter (an emotion), pyaaaaar, and a new worship for men's dress slacks.

For all that it is, and it is a lot, Dabangg totally delivers. You cannot go into the film thinking that you can analyze it, put it into a box clearly labeled and file it away. You can't. It is one of those films that you just have to shut off your reality switch and go with it. You have to take what Dabangg gives you, and only then will you be really happy.

It's the male equivalent of Fluff, which is an interesting genre that I'm terrified of diving into.

I really liked this film for a lot of reasons, but there were a few glaring problems (for me personally) that kept me from falling heads over tops in love with it.

We'll start with the good, because I want you to leave my blog thinking I'm a downer and a hater.

First off, I love the Masala. You all know that I'm a great devotee of the 70s and early 80s crazy that gave us all of the villain lairs, lost brothers, broken lockets and Maa drama. Dabangg is a throwback to those films**. There were so many good relics that I cried to myself in silent happiness. What did Dabangg have, you ask?

Let me tell you:
-Two boys, who happen to be brothers, but not just normal brothers, step-brothers who have a built-in resentment for one another.
-A Maa trying desperately to keep peace between her boys.
-A step father. Enough said, right?
-A good son, a bad son.
-The good son is a police officer and wears the police officer uniform. When he's not on duty he is dressed in nicely tailored, plain dress slacks and a button down shirt.
-The bad son is always enrobed in wild patterns, scarfs, and sunglasses.
-Copious amounts of facial hair.
-The use of the word "dacoits"!***
-Intermittent and involved fight scenes.
-Smuggling.
-Character retribution.
-PYAAAAAAAAAR
-A Don.
-Revenge.
-An end-all, full out fight scene comprising of the last 20-25 minutes of film time.

I probably didn't even cover it all... but those are some of the things that I remember. It was so fabulous to see all of those ploys at work together on screen again. Sadly, unlike I excitedly thought, the ending Dishoom was NOT in a villain's lair. Such an oversight really made me sad. I guess we can't perpetually expect full out spectacle.

Try not to giggle.

This, is spectacle.

The song pictureizations were another hit with me. I don't know when I started accepting the fact that modern (meaning, in the last 2 years or so) Indian films had totally done away with full-on choreographed song and dance numbers, but I had. One song, MAYBE two done in such style are all but gone from Indian films now. Not to say that music still doesn't play a vital role to the films, but that they've evolved into something different entirely. In Dabangg EVERY song was a ensemble number with dancers and flashing sets and attitude. It felt so good!

Also, if you haven't seen it yet, or plan on seeing it again, keep an eye out for the dancers to the left of Salman, just right next to him. They were cracking me up! In the title song the guy couldn't stop looking at Sallu, and in a few others I thought that they deserve to become Heros in their own right!

Check the guy to his left!

I'm not kidding about this people! 

Munni. How do I even begin to talk about Munni? It's the item number runaway hit of the year, and yes I thought it was extremely steamy (I loved the outfits!). You cannot listen to this song without dancing, and I've tried. Always when I'm on the subway going from one stop to another I'm dancing to it. This is addictive stuff.

However, my favorite song was Chori Kya Re Jiya. Maybe because I was already feeling rotten about my coworker, or because it's just a cute song. Especially with the handkerchief bit! Hello molten butter, meet my heart.  I will say that this song sounds very close to Sadka Hua from I Hate Luv Storys... I don't know. Blame the tuition I just spent on 4 years of aural musical training. And when I say "it sounds very close" I mean it's actually very subtle, so if you disagree, that's fine.

Another trend in Indian films that I've been seeing and that was absent (mostly) in Dabangg was a desire to be something other than an Indian film. I won't deny that the industry over there is evolving into something new, and I'm excited about where it is going, but I have a somewhat irrational fear that Indian films will forget what they are, and where and what they come from. In my mind it is not a crime to give the masses what they want. It provides the audience with some enchantment and pumps money into the industry so that they can do other films that maybe don't run parallel to the audiences' immediate desires. With Dabangg it's total, 100% crowd pleaser, and it's not ashamed of being such. There is no pretense and nothing that makes you feel like you need to expect anything from it than what it gives you.

A frivolous, rather female incentive to the film was Salman Khan wearing the most gorgeous trousers you've ever seen. I'll be the first to tell you that naked men, and there are plenty of THOSE in this film too, do nothing for me. It is all about the clothes, and maybe it was the gratuitous filming and displaying of Salman's....ahem...booty but I was alarmingly distracted by his pants. Not just his pants, but how well he looks in pants. This isn't some random tangent either, I think Zac Efron wears pants very well, as does Matt Damon and Sean Connery. Perhaps it was more that Sallu wasn't wearing acid washed, over stressed and deconstructed jeans that caught me off guard.

Vinod Khanna was in it.
I don't need to elaborate on that point, do I?
Yeah, I didn't think so.

Sonakshi Sinha made a grand debut in this film. An appropriate film, I think, for Shatrughan's daughter. She kept reminding me of Preity Zinta though, just subtly. She has a zest to her that I think will be really exciting to see unfold as she is offered more roles, and I hope that she keeps up her ease and grace in acting. I wasn't bowled-over wowed by her, so to say, but I think that she has the chance to grow into an actress of great influence.

The cinematography style was very interesting. A little too stop-and-go for my tastes, but very fresh, lively and well considered. It wasn't over done and it wasn't so seldom employed that it was jerky and had no place.

Now that I've written you a novel, I have to tell you the hang-ups, and there are just a couple:

Dropped plot lines.
I hate this so much. If your going to edit away a story line you had best erase it in entirty. Otherwise it just looks like you hit a road block in story development and didn't know how to resolve it. The inconsistency was very small, but it also annoyed me. The problem arose when Chulbul's (Salman Khan) brother Makhi (Arbaaz Khan) steals his life's earnings, thus bankrupting Chulbul... but Chulbul is still able to afford to take his bride on a honeymoon in Dubai and buy her fancy saris and set them up in a cute little married-people house. That's really all there was to it, but I kept thinking "Wait... he has no money, right?"
I'm over thinking this... and it's exactly what I'm not supposed to do!

Man humor... this basically means body humor. I've never had the patience for it, but what can you do when you have a film that basically takes the term "Machismo" and inflates it to the moon? You just have to roll with it and shake your head a few times.

Speaking of Machismo I have to admit that it was because of the Macho that I couldn't embrace this film with loving arms so much as I wanted to. The posse of laughing idiots that follow Chulbul around and act as his personal laugh track in order to stroke his alarmingly UNFUNNY banter was just too much. There was so much testosterone gushing cascading from the screen that I just wanted to scream. ESPECIALLY when I consider that Chulbul tried to win over Rajo (Sonakshi Sinha) by calling her into the police station where her drunk father was tied up and telling her that he had tried to rape a local girl; and then having the gall to LAUGH ABOUT IT TO HER FACE. And then he tries to strut around making her laugh like he is God's gift to women.

As if.

Ugh. Just remembering it makes me want to punch something, vomit and scream simultaneously. As if that wasn't enough add to such a disgusting trait and that Chulbul had very insensitive ways of busting into a situation and physically (through body language and attitude) implying that he was the end-all and you'd better buck up or back off.

Overall Dabangg wasn't a disaster and I rather enjoyed myself while watching. There apparently is a sequel in the works, since the ending very conveniently provided the means for one... but for me, I think one Dabangg might be enough.

*The first movie that I can ever remember watching is Rocky IV at age 2. My father was rather distraught that his first born wasn't going to usher in the football team of boys.
**There is a lot of hoopla about this film being very Southie. Having never seen any South Indian films I decided it was fair for me to omit that argument.
***It's only my most favorite Hindi word EVER.

Remind me again, you left your baby in a truck?

Dhan Daulat, 1980
Directed by: Harish Shah

When I watched this film, I really liked it. I thought it was cute, a little unconventional, and I was finally going to get to a person I was trying to avoid in Neetu Week:

It's not that I don't have my own intense pyaar for Rishi, but I wanted this week to be squarely about our girl. In the end, I couldn't avoid him, but that was OK too.

As I sit down to write up this film, as I have countless times this week, I find I'm uninspired and intimidated by this film. It was enjoyable, yes, but it just left me blank.

I dislike this feeling!

Just now I walked away for about 30 minutes and kept thinking "Was I doing something?". TWICE.

Dhan Daulat, you are going to be the death of me.

Lucky (Rishi Kapoor) is found in the back of a cargo truck (Horn OK Please) as an infant. His mother had stashed him there while going to get milk for him.

This is the Maa running after the truck and screaming. 

And Kishore.

With whom my children will share DNA.

In true bad parenting style, the truck drove away. The baby is found by the two truck drivers Mangat (Prem Nath) and Bajirao (Pran). The two decide to "rear" him (that's the word they kept using) and name the baby Lucky, since he was found and then they were given a large trucking job soon after.

We watch Lucky grow up, becoming somewhat of a rascal, stealing chickens from his neighbor and escaping with them to rooftops where the owner can't reach them. His dads somewhat gloss over the habit, and joke with him about his antics. When Lucky is sent to University his dads praise his opportunity and are happy that he will not become a truck driver like they are. Lucky responds by being swiftly kicked out of school before classes even start by getting into a fight. Shamefully brought home his dads lock Lucky into the house as they go away on a job.

Never having been punished, Lucky suffers a terrible shock to his psyche and takes to harassing to people outside of his window. Then, as they are prone to in such situations, our heroine, Shanit (Neetu Singh) shows up. She firmly rejects the advances of a man-child hollering at her while locked inside his own house. Good for you, Shanti.

The next day, however, when Shanti walks by she is curious about the fate of the marooned moron.

When his fathers return home, Lucky is sprung from jail and goes on a hunt for Shanti, determined to win her over. He does this by spraying her down with a hose and hoisting her up in construction equipment. Filmi wooing is serious business, people.

Ranbir?

Finally, our Shanti gets fed up and asks Lucky what he's about.

Lucky spouts off about pyaar and shaadis and the like. Being a wise little thing, Shanti dares him to tell her "brother" who is walking down the street. He does so, is taken to what he thinks is her house and is matched up with the guy's sister... who isn't Shanti. Drama ensuses with offenses being taken by the brother and his sister but Lucky is not daunted by this joke.

She looks rather pleased with herself, doesn't she?

Good girl. 

Our Shanti still needs convincing, so Lucky arranges for a dramatic suicide attempt by laying on the train tracks outside of her house until she will admit that she loves him. The locals take Lucky's side (of course) and a song and dance on the tracks ensues. Shanti is still not swayed and it takes until seconds before the train to come, that she agrees to be Lucky's gal. But she has serious reservations. And given her criteria, I'm soundly with her. 

Inspired for the first time to do something besides being a lump, Lucky goes to work building his own match company. His business is successful and all looks good for our lovers until the ruling match monopoly decides to play dirty to ensure that they will be the king of matches forever. They ruin all of Lucky's stock and when the matches are returned by customers Lucky's business goes under. To compound his problems, Lucky's proposal to Shanti is refused by her father who calls into question his lack of money and lack of parentage. 

Broken, and upset Lucky falls into bad company who convince him that if he were to accumulate large sums of money no one would question his parentage and he could have whatever he wants. The next time we see our Lucky on screen he is wearing a powder blue leisure suit and he is in a den. Evil, bad, villain Lucky has emerged. 

Evil Lucky spends his time ruining other companies the way his was ruined. He pulls the rug from under his competitors in order to stay on top. Driving a flashy new car, rocking expensive Aviator glasses and carrying a suitcase of rupees Lucky returns to his village in hopes of giving back the money the community gave him to start his own business. Disgusted, the townspeople throw his money to the ground and his dads even refuse his repayment. 

In a last ditch effort to prove to himself that money buys happiness, Lucky wanders over to Shanti's house and gives her a fancy salwaar suit and bids her to come to a party with him. She agrees, but is disgusted by Lucky's new swagger and publicly shames him when he asks her to sing, and she sings about how disappointed she is in him. She runs from the party. 

I forget how and why and through what means it is explained that Lucky's parents are actually a lowly fruit seller and the Don that Lucky has been trying to undo through unseemly means, but Lucky's parents are presented to him at the climax, after Lucky comes crawling back to his dads and accepted finally by Shanti's father. In the end, Lucky ends up with four dads, he's redeemed in the eyes of his parents and Shanti and they hug it out, hasty Masala film ending ishtyle. 

Clearly I'm forgetting some major plot points, but as I mentioned, I tried to write this up a million time, and I watched it a while back... it has been a struggle. I wasn't really excited by the film, but it wasn't like I was totally disgusted by it either. I remember being vaguely unhappy with all the talk about money only brings happiness and it doesn't matter how you get it, just that you do.

I found Neetu's character admirable. She stuck up for herself, and didn't fall for Lucky's charms after he found money and became a powerful person. Rather, she only took him once he had seen the error of his ways and was humbled. 

There was a Werewolf... or something...

Jaani Dushman, 1979
Directed by: Rajkumar Kohli

I'm a finishing things kind of person.
No matter how awful a book, or a TV show or a movie is, once I start I must finish.
The exception being this movie.

The only thing I'm aware of about this movie is:
1. Neetu is in it.
2. There are like, 42 other famous people in it. Each, mind you, with their own plot line. It got really confusing after about 2 minutes.
3. If you get married, then your bride will be killed by some psychopathic man who can't look at bridal red without a) going crazy and b) turning into a werewolf.

4. I fell asleep a few times while watching, so I might have missed all the good parts?

Yeah, not so sure about that last one...

I'm not a horror genre person, but I can tolerate them if I have to. Indian horror flicks are something ELSE entirely. It was part scary movie part love story with no connection to the scary parts until someone got married and the wolf man came out. It was like watching two completely unrelated films that were sort of mashed incoherently together. Almost like two different films were started, and then canned, but being economical, a crafty editor melted them into one film and gave us Jaani Dushman.

Who knows.

Here are some screen caps of Neetu, though:

Can You Handle the Swagger?

Shankar Dada, 1976
Directed by: Shibu Mitra

Take a moment and consider something, this picture, to be exact:

And just think about if you can handle two things: 

1. All of this bumptiousness (it is a word) up in here.

2. If Neetu Week gets a little derailed and we smush in some Shashi.

Is that OK? Because, I totally intended for this to be a Neetu-centric post! I didn't even know Shashi was IN this film and... well... I got a little VERY distracted once I put in the DVD and saw him on the menu screen.

I'm only human. 

Je damn I kind of loved this movie. Don't ask me why, you should know better than to ask me why at this point. I wish I had the skill, care, and ability to read into things, to dissect them and analyze but I don't and I never shall. 

Bas! 

Our happy little fillum starts off with Police Inspector Amar Singh (Pran) and his wife (Anjali Kadam) in the typical household squabble of "Men never remember important dates"*. Amar tries his best at guessing, leaving the wife much unamused. 

The long-suffering wife reminds him of what day it REALLY is, and points towards the two things my uterus will ever do anticipatory backflips for.

The two things:

1. Indian children.

2. Twin boys.

Of COURSE it is the twin boys, Ram aur Shankar's birthday! And Baba forgot! He quickly kisses the boys on the head, feeds them some sweets and promises to see them that night.

At work, Police Inspector Amar Singh does his duty in combating goons and corruption from the local Don, Babubhai (Anwar Hussain).

No...and I DID bribe a police officer while in India...

Phew! I was lucky! 

After a long day of "battling the lions of injustice" (name that movie) Amar Singh returns home too late to celebrate his boys' birthday. He makes some phone calls about work related matters and settles in to dinner with his biwi when there is an urgent knock on the door. A frantic woman enters, crying hysterically and begging Amar to come with her, as goons have invaded and surrounded her house and are holding her husband captive. Off they trot leaving the twin boys and Amar's wife at home (Can someone smell what is coming?). As soon as Amar leaves the house goons come to incapacitate Mrs. Singh and kidnap the little boys.

Amar and the frightened woman enter her house.

The way the light comes through the sari...

That's magic. Lovely!

Once inside Amar is once again matched against Babubhai. Appealed to again and and again Amar refuses to join Babubhai's evil club. Until, that is, that Ram aur Shankar are brought in and used as leverage.

Amar instructs his boys to run away. Once they are gone from the house, Amar breaks the lights in the house (ALL of them, but just shooting ONE lightbulb) and ambushes Babubhai and all of his goons in the dark. Grunts and shots ring out and the rest of the police force arrive just as the action ends.

Meanwhile, as they are running away, Ram aur Shankur are separated, and since we neither saw that coming OR understand what significance that will play in the following hours, I propose we just ignore such a plot device for the time being.

In trial Amar is accused of illicit behavior and of murder and is sentenced to life in jail. Clearly he is convicted under false terms, but were he to get off scott-free that would make his sure-to-come-revenge all the less sweet. Amar is carted off to jail.

Fast forward 20 years or so, or however long it takes Shashi to turn into a 30 something, and feast your eyes on adult Shankar:

He's a facial hair wearing, swashbuckling, oddly moralistic con man with a knack for disguises and very, I'm talking impossibly fast, costume changes.

Shankar has done the unthinkable. He has one-upped Babubhai and stolen the Don's stolen goods. Because that cannot be tolerated, especially from such a young whippersnapper, Babubhai sets him up with Bindiya at a night club.

Shakar, totally enjoys himself,

And essentially, falls for it:

Falling for the dashing diva only gets Shankar in thick with Babubhai and he takes a job from the Don. Heists, cons and narrow escapes ensue and we have the joy of seeing Shankar work his disguises for all they're worth.

In other news, Amar Singh is release from prison, apparently having outlived a lifetime sentence and goes undercover in attempts to infiltrate Babubhai's inner circle in hopes of enacting his revenge. During this time, Shankar gets aquatinted with both of his parents, not that he knows it of course.

In order to deal with the swelling of crime that Shankar has brought upon the town, the police decide to bring in an Inspector Ram, from Delhi, who will be handling the case. Being all that we want him to be, Ram meets and falls in love with a lovely ladki, Roopa (Neetu Singh) in the airport.

Look at his eager little boy body language!

Cho chweet!

Without warning, Roopa is taken immediately upon landing to the villain's lair where her father is being held for reasons that aren't really specified, but she pleads for his release, and becomes distraught when she witnesses his torture at the hands of a machine that... heats him up(?).

Thinking that it will set her father free, Roopa agrees to work for the bad guys. The goons have discovered the doppleganger Ram after a few hours of mistaken identity and accidently foiled plans wherein I got really confused trying to tell both Shashis (in disguises) apart from one another. Suffice it to say that my dreams came true in one disguise....

In the name of all things holy, Shashi as a Sardarji is the most UNFAIR yet

amazing thing EVER. 

Roopa agrees to take on the job of seducing Ram to get him into the cavern of villainocity. She proceeds to meet him at a pool, pretend to drown, then pretend to get drunk and entices him with a sexy song in his bedroom. I love Neetu so much. 

The short and short of seduction by Neetu Singh is that it works. Ram falls heads over tops with Roopa and accompanies her to an art gallery (Date win!) where they snuggle a bit before she insists she go study a particular engraving before she pulls a lever which causes him to fall through the floor and into the cavernous jail in the villain's lair. 

Ram is lucky enough to land in a cell that shares bars with Roopa's father. At first angered by her betrayal, Ram settles down after he learns that Roopa is only cooperating with the thugs in a hope to save her beloved Babaji. 

On the outside, Pran has donned the personal of a leprechaun and invades a political rally to shame the politicians and demand the end of poverty in India. There is also a map of India... made out of people. 

Back in the underground jail, a fight breaks out between Ram and the head thug wherein fire torches are thrown.

Ram is presumed dead and is dropped into the ocean. Fortunately he survives and climbs out onto the beach sparkling with sea water dripping from his curls. Yum. He hightails it over to the police department where Shankar has been impersonating him. The police chief bids Ram to hid behind the door while he calls in the impostor. Ram and Shankar meet at stare at each other in amazement. 

His deceit found out Shankar runs back to Babubhai and kidnaps an old woman, who will later turn out to be his mother. On his way to catch him, Ram encounters the soon-to-be-kidnapped Maa who informs him of who he is and who his brother is. A hop and a skip before you know it and we're all corralled into the villain's lair awaiting the last 30 minutes of dishoom! 

During the battle Ram informs Shankar of their brotherly bond and that he kidnapped their very own Maa! In a secret winking ceremony while scuffling, the two boys decide to work together in bringing down the Don. Thankfully, the happily reunited sons and Maa don't have to wait too long before their long lost Babaji, Amar Singh, reappears and kicks the tar out of the bad guys. 

Then, in order to get her revenge, Roopa pops out of a trunk pointing a pistol. Can I repeat it? I love Neetu Singh.

It all ends with the Police Chief showing up, Roopa being threatened and the Don getting his just rewards for being such an awful man. 

Then, Shankar must face the consequences of his actions, but in a total b!t*h move, his dad makes his own twin brother arrest him. My disk ended abruptly after the cuffs were on and Shankar was smiling manically. I kind of hope that wasn't the real ending, because it was totally creepy.

Ok. I'd be all analytical and stuff, but this post totally exhausted me. Granted, I was toiling over a pot of chai at the same time, more than visibly concerned that I'll make an awful filmi wife one day**. Oh, and I'm not analytical. However, I did really like Bindu's cabaret song, seen here. 

And, just for some gleeful things, extra screen-caps of pyaaaaar:

I was so obsessed with this wall. 

SO going in my house....

when I grow up enough to get a house.

Those hands.

Beads.

Diamonds

The very Piet Mondrian entrance to the liar.

*I'm awful at remembering important dates and anniversaries. It's not always the men!
**Don't judge me.